It's the first lates of the new year, and nothing and no one prepares me for the evening ahead. And it started off so promising too.
It was all planned out, I had a pile of laptops to fix/image/configure and a phone ready to ring off the hook with stupid questions from idiotic users. Then it all went to hell. For some reason every idiot user chose tonight to show their talents at their very best.
It starts off with the usual innocent job that turns out to be a false alarm. I was asked to fix a faulty projector/computer situation that was magically working perfectly when I got to the room. WHEN I GOT TO THE ROOM!
Finding a specific room in this maze of a new building can now be somewhat of an epic Indiana Jones style adventure. Sadly they haven't issued me with a fedora and being based in HQ most of the time, they don't let me out much (only for good behaviour, the occasional delivery or in this case a non-faulty computer). It takes me a good 15 to 20 minutes of getting lost and back tracking, with the occasional boulder dodge along the way (OK user avoidance), and I finally find the inner chamber buried deep within the catacombs. Like I mentioned before, I needn't have bothered, the tomb had already been raided.
Finding a specific room in this maze of a new building can now be somewhat of an epic Indiana Jones style adventure. Sadly they haven't issued me with a fedora and being based in HQ most of the time, they don't let me out much (only for good behaviour, the occasional delivery or in this case a non-faulty computer). It takes me a good 15 to 20 minutes of getting lost and back tracking, with the occasional boulder dodge along the way (OK user avoidance), and I finally find the inner chamber buried deep within the catacombs. Like I mentioned before, I needn't have bothered, the tomb had already been raided.
Before I had even left the office, (two laptops already running through the motions) the phone rang (5 times). Of course it does. Each call was pretty much the same boring password resets that I get every lates about this time. Users that logged on half an hour ago, had set up a password of which they could no longer remember, other users that haven't logged in for months and wondered why the same password that "they know" doesn't work, but "it is the right one". Nothing new there. However sometimes it's not the fault that's the issue...
"IT Support."
"Um, hello. My thing ain't workin' no more." A soft, laid back voice answers.
"What thing?" I ask, hoping and praying it was nothing too personal, if so this is the wrong type of helpline.
"The website."
"Please be vaguer" I think as I reply "Which site?"
"The website won't let me in any more."
"Which site?" I ask again. At this point I know it's going to be a long night. I settle back in desk chair, take a deep breath and brace myself.
A few more back and fourths, and finally I establish which website they are referring to.
"What error are you getting?" I ask.
"Says my user or password is incorrect." (Finally a complete sentence that I can actually decipher.) "What's that mean?"
(Duh!) "It means that your user name or password is incorrect!" I suggest hopefully.
"But I know it!" (Yes, yes, we know, every prat who rings with this issue 'knows it').
"Are you sure you are typing the correct user name" I ask.
"Yeah!"
"And you have double checked your password?"
"Yeah!"
"And you have double checked your password?"
"Yeah! It's the one he gave me."
"Who."
"The guy I saw."
"What guy?" (Or are you just asking random people for passwords now, and hoping and praying they work? Do you do the same for your debit card pin number?) "One of our guys?"
"Yeah!"
"Today?"
"No, ages ago."
"How long? A day, a week?"
"Um, no abou' four months ago."
I try to resist slamming my head on the table, although this would have been a far less painful alternative to talking to this person.
"Have you logged on to the site in the passed couple of weeks?"
"No, but I know my password."
"OK" I try to keep this simple, there's no point in confusing them further... Or is there? "To begin with your password would have expired after thirty days. Second, we deleted all accounts and recreated them for the new year, and lastly you will need to log on here with the default password at least once before you can log on to the site from home."
"Oh, OK, Fank you! Umm errr, does that mean I gotta come in?"
"Afraid so."
"Oh, OK." CLICK!
I hang up feeling slightly dumber than when I picked up the handset. I shake my head. It makes one wonder doesn't it!
Before the phone should ring again I make myself scarce heading out into the our company's version of the temple of doom. I get halfway lost and the phone, now diverted to my mobile begins a rendition of the Red Dwarf theme. Sadly I have little time to enjoy the tune as I answer the call.
"IT Support"
"Hi, Yes, Hello! Is that IT Support?" (What did I just say?)
"YES?"
"Oh good, both our printers are not ha ha working ha ha."
Not thinking that this is something to laugh about, I ask a few questions and in the end there is nothing for it. I have to take a detour from my original destination. I ask for the room number, explain to them that I am on my way (but not to expect me until I have an internal sat nav of the building) and hang up.
Great! Now I have two unknown rooms to find instead of one. I am not at all sure where either of them are in proportion to where I am currently standing, and to top it all my phone rings again and up hangs up before I can answer it. The number it withheld, so I plod on.
Finally I am on the right floor after having to take two different elevators, as the first one didn't go up as far as the third floor. I am just casting my eyes over the signs to find the right block and... "It cold outside, there's no kind of atmosph...."
"IT Support"
"Haa haa, Hi, um yes, hello, It's OK. Printers fixed. Seemed to be a bit of a jam. Thank you anyway."
No thank you! Thank you for pulling me away from the job I was supposed to be doing and getting me even more lost in this wonderland of corridors for something that you could have haa haa, um, errr, fixed yourself before you rang. All credit to the guy though, he did at least call me back and not wait until I had turned up after hitch hiking the rest of the way on one of securities sack barrows.
I retrace my steps to where I was when I got the first call and discover a door that wasn't there before. IT WASN'T THERE BEFORE! That's my excuse and I am sticking to it! Obviously the room I was searching for is down there, and the equipment already working.
"IT Support"
"Hi, Yes, Hello! Is that IT Support?" (What did I just say?)
"YES?"
"Oh good, both our printers are not ha ha working ha ha."
Not thinking that this is something to laugh about, I ask a few questions and in the end there is nothing for it. I have to take a detour from my original destination. I ask for the room number, explain to them that I am on my way (but not to expect me until I have an internal sat nav of the building) and hang up.
Great! Now I have two unknown rooms to find instead of one. I am not at all sure where either of them are in proportion to where I am currently standing, and to top it all my phone rings again and up hangs up before I can answer it. The number it withheld, so I plod on.
Finally I am on the right floor after having to take two different elevators, as the first one didn't go up as far as the third floor. I am just casting my eyes over the signs to find the right block and... "It cold outside, there's no kind of atmosph...."
"IT Support"
"Haa haa, Hi, um yes, hello, It's OK. Printers fixed. Seemed to be a bit of a jam. Thank you anyway."
No thank you! Thank you for pulling me away from the job I was supposed to be doing and getting me even more lost in this wonderland of corridors for something that you could have haa haa, um, errr, fixed yourself before you rang. All credit to the guy though, he did at least call me back and not wait until I had turned up after hitch hiking the rest of the way on one of securities sack barrows.
I retrace my steps to where I was when I got the first call and discover a door that wasn't there before. IT WASN'T THERE BEFORE! That's my excuse and I am sticking to it! Obviously the room I was searching for is down there, and the equipment already working.
I make it back to the office in record time. I may have got lost getting to the room, but I am like a homing pigeon on my return to HQ.
I have sat down for all of ten seconds when the phone rings. It's main reception requesting I speak to some one about their password. I groan silently and accept the call. Yep, you guessed it!
I have sat down for all of ten seconds when the phone rings. It's main reception requesting I speak to some one about their password. I groan silently and accept the call. Yep, you guessed it!
"Um, hello... my thing, um, my password ain't workin'."
To cut a long story short, they have come in to sort their account. Maybe there is hope after all. I explain what they need to do, I even give them their default password. Another word of 'fanks' and the line goes dead.
Now before I even started my shift I was presented with a laptop that had been damaged with a note to find out if I can get it working and to find what parts would be required. This is what the laptop looked like once I had it open.
I look up the parts as the phone fires again.
"IT Support"
DING DONG! It's the main door. I am on the phone in the back office, so they will have to wait.
"Good evening, is anyone on tonight?" (Did I just answer the phone? I check my hand in case I am talking to a coffee mug again.)
"Yes" I answer.
DING DONG!
"I am outside your office."
"Is that you ringing the bell?"
"Oh yes." (How the hell can I answer the door to you if I am on the phone to you?)
I hang up and answer the door wondering why the guy didn't just ring the bell once and WAIT before he called.
I instantly recognise the man outside. He's not a bad guy, quite friendly actually, but sadly not the brightest spark in the bulb. He always seems to remind me of Quasimodo.
"Good evening, I have two screens on my desk, but can't seem to access one of them."
"OK, I say, is it connected? I can come and take a look."
"Oh it's on and working, I just can seem to access it."
"Are both connected to the same computer?" A light flickers and I try not to smile. Too much.
"Oh yes, but how do I use it?"
"Move the mouse cursor."
"Move the mouse..." he repeats not sure if I am being serious regarding the simplicity of the solution.
I repeat the sentence too and add "it is an extended desktop. Move it off the screen you are using and it will move on to the other one." I finish with a simple hand gesture, demonstrating how to move a mouse on the table.
Still puzzled the man nods, smiles, thanks me and leaves. Another satisfied customer.
I'm back in the office again. And... cue phone... Guess who!
Now before I even started my shift I was presented with a laptop that had been damaged with a note to find out if I can get it working and to find what parts would be required. This is what the laptop looked like once I had it open.
It looked just like it had been put in the oven and baked. I wasn't far off correct. It had been placed ON the oven and fried. Accidentally of course. I mean, who doesn't leave their expensive company hardware on the burner? My first thought was that it wasn't laptop parts that were needed, it was more like a fire extinguisher and a pair of chopsticks.
The smell of burnt and moulded plastic fills the room as I manage to prise the back off; ashes floating to the floor, blackening my hands and the workbench. The laptop had only been left on there for a few seconds, but the back had melted through, the hard drive had been completely poached, and the cells in the battery had been annihilated; a few seconds longer and it would have exploded, and the motherboard would have been toast. Bye bye laptop. Miraculously though the board survived and I managed to bring it back to life after removing the remnants of the charred hard disk. With the right parts it could be almost as good as new again, just a little burnt and melted around the edges.
I look up the parts as the phone fires again.
"IT Support"
DING DONG! It's the main door. I am on the phone in the back office, so they will have to wait.
"Good evening, is anyone on tonight?" (Did I just answer the phone? I check my hand in case I am talking to a coffee mug again.)
"Yes" I answer.
DING DONG!
"I am outside your office."
"Is that you ringing the bell?"
"Oh yes." (How the hell can I answer the door to you if I am on the phone to you?)
I hang up and answer the door wondering why the guy didn't just ring the bell once and WAIT before he called.
I instantly recognise the man outside. He's not a bad guy, quite friendly actually, but sadly not the brightest spark in the bulb. He always seems to remind me of Quasimodo.
"Good evening, I have two screens on my desk, but can't seem to access one of them."
"OK, I say, is it connected? I can come and take a look."
"Oh it's on and working, I just can seem to access it."
"Are both connected to the same computer?" A light flickers and I try not to smile. Too much.
"Oh yes, but how do I use it?"
"Move the mouse cursor."
"Move the mouse..." he repeats not sure if I am being serious regarding the simplicity of the solution.
I repeat the sentence too and add "it is an extended desktop. Move it off the screen you are using and it will move on to the other one." I finish with a simple hand gesture, demonstrating how to move a mouse on the table.
Still puzzled the man nods, smiles, thanks me and leaves. Another satisfied customer.
I'm back in the office again. And... cue phone... Guess who!
Despite my instructions earlier the user is now back at home after unsuccessfully logging on here. For some reason they think going home would correct the problem. The user is still insisting that their old password will work (even though is no longer exists) despite my telling them earlier what it was now set to.
I then spend the next 10 minutes going around and round in circles explaining everything about 17 times. Fighting to keep myself composed, I am doing my utmost best not to sound sarcastic, rude or patronising. But it's a close call. By the time I hang up I am ready to reach down the line and throttle them with my bare hands. Why do these people phone for help and insist on arguing about every solution and piece of advice offered. And why... Why oh why, why, why, why, can't they follow simple instructions?
And all this before 6:30 - Only 2 1/2 hours to go.
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