Head In The Cloud...

Coming Soon...

 "To the cloud..." those fateful words ring out like a foghorn of doom as the boss learns a new buzz word.

We know we are in for a battle of epic proportions as he tells us for the gazillionth time "Leicester has set it up, they use it, it works, it's wonderful. It is the greatest thing since Bill Gates sat down in his garage, and put white text on a black screen and called it DOS!"

Yes, it's that time again. The new users have got to be created, and the management have come up with yet another fantastical, hair-raising idea to completely screw it up, make our lives uncomfortable, and confuse the users even more.

They have heard of this amazing new invention called 'the cloud'. A 'simple' solution to all of our problems. Actually it's a very complicated way to cause us yet more problems on top of the ones we already have. But there is no telling the upper classes of the bean counters; it's the latest thing. SO, WE MUST HAVE IT!

Freshly Baked Chaos with a Side of Laptop

Sometimes I wonder why I bother!

It's the first lates of the new year, and nothing and no one prepares me for the evening ahead. And it started off so promising too.

It was all planned out, I had a pile of laptops to fix/image/configure and a phone ready to ring off the hook with stupid questions from idiotic users. Then it all went to hell. For some reason every idiot user chose tonight to show their talents at their very best.

It starts off with the usual innocent job that turns out to be a false alarm. I was asked to fix a faulty projector/computer situation that was magically working perfectly when I got to the room. WHEN I GOT TO THE ROOM!

The Server Upgrade Uncertainty

I am often asked what it is like to work in IT Support. Most people assume that it is a geeky and uncool job. Others believe it to be never ending fun; playing with gadgets all day long and never doing any "real work". The rest are usually amazed at the flashing lights, and the unidentifiable, yet intriguing components that lay about the office, and believe it to be a glamorous, and trouble free profession. Most never see what we do in the background, unable to appreciate the hard work we do: The early mornings, the late nights, the endless progression bars. Failures and down time are fixed in their memories like the 1966 world cup, but our successes are usually forgotten almost instantaneously.

Occasionally, but not very often, the frustrations of the IT world come not from the users, but from the systems themselves.

Another Dissatisfied Customer

We get a few disgruntled people come up to our office from time to time. Some have legitimate reasons, most don't. One in particular was rather rattled the other week when he came in with his laptop. He wasn't out right nasty, merely high and mighty with a volatile nature, and a sense that all should bend to his will. He obviously hadn't been up to see us before.

It was early one evening and I had just managed to get my dinner out of the microwave before the first phone call broke the silence of the office. I answered between mouthfuls.

"My laptop has a Trojan" a blunt voice informed me with a 'don't question my diagnosis' type tone. "I have phoned by brother, and he has confirmed that is what it is."

The Great Software Installation Debacle

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 1

A new day, a new piece of software drifts our way. It will change the way the company works and streamline our procedures. It's state of the art and will save us money, time and man power. Not to mention it looks good and can take our personalised logo.

Wonderful! Another sales pitch full of buzz words that sounds too good to be true (it probably is) from a company no one has ever heard of, and the brainwashed bean counters are sucked in as they marvel at its high-tech excellence. It is overly expensive but before we know it, it is approved, bought and paid for without even consulting IT. On the plus side, it is going to be installed, setup and supported by the supplier. What could possibly go wrong?

Oi You!

A few years ago we had a woman working for our company who was almost "allergic" to IT to say the least. It was ironic really as she was a tutor and taught IT for a living.

She could also be one of the rudest people you could meet, epecially if she had a technical problem.

One evening I was working a late shift and had the pleasure of two run-ins with her in less than an hour.

During the start of my shift I had to sort out an important meeting room, making sure everything was working and that the users could log on. This resulted in me going back and forth, if I needed parts or to reset users passwords etc.

The Corrupted Hard Drive

So one morning we have a chap (widely known for his giant lack of common sense) come through the door to our office carrying his laptop. He explains that the laptop was not booting and asked if we could take a look at it.

I asked what was happening and I got a vague explanation that the Windows XP installation was cycling at boot up. At least thats what he said.

I switched on the laptop, but instead of watching the laptop attempt to start up XP I got a "NTLDR is Missing" error and nothing else.

The guy mentioned that there were several "important files" on the c: drive (a big no-no in our company, everything should be saved to a network drive and/or USB, making hard drive failure a doddle.)

The Disappearing Emails

Knock! Knock!

A lady walks in to our office, for some reason knocking after she has entered and holds up her laptop for all to see.

"Can anyone help me?" She asks.

"I am sure we can." I reply (Just don't ask us to perform a medical procedure.) "What's the problem?" (You'd think I'd have learned NOT to ask this question by now, wouldn't you.)

"All my emails have disappeared." She tells me.

Somewhat sceptical I get her to boot up her laptop. After three attempts and a password reset I finally get her logged in.

The Faulty Laptop Screen

One morning we had a rather upset gentleman come in to our office, nursing his laptop. He had been in to several other departments along the way, complaining loudly to anyone that would listen to his problem, searching for someone to help him. They in turn had redirected him to us. So kind of them...

"My laptop's broken, my laptop's broken. Please you have to do something." He pleads as he rushes in.

"What's the problem?" My colleague asked, taking pity on the poor man, who was obviously distressed.

"The Screen. I think it's broken." He says.

My colleague takes the laptop from the man, who was cradling it like a new born baby, and sets it down on to the work bench.

Multiple User Access

The most annoying users that report faults are the ones that don't believe the explanation you give them. They call us up asking for technical help, because they don't understand, but end up telling us we are wrong and then asking the same question elsewhere: Only to get the same answer.
One day our helpdesk took a call from a woman over in another building. She and two of her colleagues had an Excel spreadsheet that they all had access to and modified on a regular basis. On this particular day, all three had the file open, but only the first could edit it and then save the file. The other two had the file in "Read Only" mode.

It's not working...

"It's not working. It's completely screwed, I need a new one." The man insists as I stand in his office in front of his desk one morning.

"What seems to be the trouble?" I ask.

"I told you, it's dead. Kaput. You only put it in last week, cheap crap. You better replace it Today, I have reports to finish."

"Well have there been any other faults with it? Any problems yesterday?" I ask.

"No, no it was fine. I shut it down last night, came in this morning and switched it on as usual. I went to make my coffee, came back and it wasn't working."

"Please let me take a look." I offer.

Please let there be sound

So, I get an irate phone call from a guy, furious that his "sound card" wasn't working. He was putting together a "very important" presentation and the numerous youtube videos he had embedded in to powerpoint where playing silently.

Automatically I asked (quite reasonably I thought) if he had turned the volume down on the PC or if it had been muted.

"Of course NOT, I am NOT that stupid." was the the reply. (No of course you're not!)

"Ok" I said "Please can you check your speaker connections. Make sure they are plugged in to the correct socket and that they are powered and switched on."

Wireless Problems

I got a phone call this morning from one of our members of staff. They were complaining that their company laptop was not connecting to the wireless system. I talked them through the usual precedures to try and diagnose the problem.

The wireless network was functioning correctly, their wireless card was enabled and configured correctly. In the end I asked them to bring the laptop up to our Support Office so that we could take a proper look.

The user then complained "But I am at home, do you mean I have to come all the way in to work just because your equipment doesn't work?" (Yes they had neglected to tell me they were working at home and they didn't have broadband.)