Another Dissatisfied Customer

We get a few disgruntled people come up to our office from time to time. Some have legitimate reasons, most don't. One in particular was rather rattled the other week when he came in with his laptop. He wasn't out right nasty, merely high and mighty with a volatile nature, and a sense that all should bend to his will. He obviously hadn't been up to see us before.

It was early one evening and I had just managed to get my dinner out of the microwave before the first phone call broke the silence of the office. I answered between mouthfuls.

"My laptop has a Trojan" a blunt voice informed me with a 'don't question my diagnosis' type tone. "I have phoned by brother, and he has confirmed that is what it is."

Well whoopi do for your brother. Please feel free to pass on my sincerest congratulations at the marvelousness of his all seeing eye. Don't you just love it when users have a family member whose hobby is DIY IT.?

I ask the guy to bring his laptop up so I can take a look. He didn't like the sound of this at all and told me so. Unfortunately, the nasty that had somehow infected his laptop, had locked it up and made it completely unresponsive. In addition, I have still not acquired the rumoured ability that all IT Analysts are psychic, and that we can control and fix a computer with just our cerebral cortex, and a roll of duct tape. I must look into that at some point.

Fifteen minutes later I almost spill the remains of my dinner when there comes an almighty banging on the door. The guy was hammering, full strength with his fist and the door was bowing in and almost rattled off its hinges. I answered before the glass fell out, only to be greeted by a short guy with a stern expression.

The guy seemed fairly quiet at first, always a danger sign, warning me to keep my distance and avoid unleashing the inner beast. I gently take a hold of the laptop and warily take a look.

It had gotten infected with Scare-ware, a fake anti-virus program designed to annoy and extort money. It was NOT a password stealing, bank account emptying Trojan like the almighty Brother had diagnosed.

There is no other way to describe it, the laptop was screwed. The Explorer shell, Control Panel and even Task manager had been completely disabled. Nothing would load and the only way to get any kind of reaction from it at all was to hold down the power button and let the system rest in peace.

I have seen this problem so many times. You can spend hours trying to clear the nastiness off, but let's face it, you never get it all, the computer never runs the same again and there always a chance the little bugger will come back (a bit like the users.) There was only one thing for it. I told him that the computer would have to wiped and re-imaged. I also told this that his operating system and software would be upgraded in the process to comply with our new standards.

I may as well have suggested public flogging and execution (would have been my preference just because of his attitude) as the guy completely over reacted at not getting his own way.

He paced back and forth, stamped his foot, scoffed and puffed, then puffed some more as I stood there calmly waiting for the overblown reaction and excuses to fade away. The guy was hopping mad, complaining that he didn't like the new OS and that with the new image (that we are issuing to ALL staff) doesn't allow the user to install software. Apparently this guy was under impression that rules, regulations and standards didn't apply to him. Sadly he was very quickly disillusioned.

"Tough!" I thought. What these people don't seem to understand is that they do not own these laptops. They are on loan to them. They belong to the company. It is our responsibility to keep them running and as secure as possible to preserve the integrity of our network. They are not very secure when any Tom, Dick or Harry can install whatever they like, licenced or otherwise. Not forgetting that installation of some dodgy software was why the guy had brought up the laptop up to us in the first place.

After his moans and groans subsided I took a deep breath and informed him that this was how things were and he was free to question it with the powers that be in the morning. He quickly changed the subject and decided it was a good time to tell me about the masses of files on his desktop. You know the files, the ones that are NOT supposed to be saved on the hard drive, but on our network where they can be backed up in case the computer dies. Clever eh! Super Brother can't be all he's cracked up to be or he would have thought of that.

There was no point in booting the laptop back up, there was no way I was going to get anything off of it. After another "mini-tantrum" I told him that I would replace the hard drive and use a caddy to get the files off after the laptop was rebuilt.

He then told me that he needed extra software installed. Software that was not owned, licenced or sanctioned by us or the bean counters. This went down like a lead balloon in a thunderstorm.

He snapped at me a bit more when I tried to explain this. Not a good day for him or his laptop. He grunted, scribbled his name incoherently on a piece of paper, demanded that it be ready for the next morning and left, grumbling under his breath.

I placed the remains of the door back into its frame and got to work right away, about an hour or so later. Re-imagining the laptop didn't take very long, and was finished before I went home, I left it updating overnight.

The Next Day...

The next morning, bright and early, around 10:30, I finally had his files copied over to the new build. There were so many that it took longer to copy them than the laptop took to image. I made sure all was working and put the laptop aside for the guy's imminent arrival (he had said before 11am, on pain of death.)

3:30pm and the guy crashes through the door with the same, grim, hassled expression that he had worn the previous evening. Without as much as a greeting he jumps on the laptop and starts to log on.

All seems to go well. It log's in perfectly and I show him his files that I have copied from the old hard drive. He was a bit touchy when I asked which printer he would need; apparently it was too much effort to give me that kind of information. I set up his email and he's all set. Or so I thought...

"I assume all my PST files will be there?"

Dum dum dum...

"No" I answer. You know what they say about assumption.

"WHAT!" The man bursts suddenly at the top of his voice, making the three of us in the office jump in our seats, one of my colleagues upsetting his afternoon coffee.

"You didn't say anything about PST files" I explain in a soft voice. Secretly I was groaning, this was yet something else that could have been avoided, as we have a system in place to replace the use of PST's. Furthermore it's on the network, NOT the hard drive.

The man turns red with rage, he looks about ready to burst again and a vein in his temple starts to pulse. I decided not temp fate or a heart attack and offered to plug the caddy back in with the old hard drive. For some reason no matter how much I tried to help this guy, I felt that I was the enemy and his eyes were boring into me as if I was to blame for his plight.

To throw a spanner in the works I make a point of explaining that he shouldn't be using PST's and that the extra toolbar in Outlook was there for a reason. Not just for show, just like the documentation explained when we sent it around to everyone when it was put in place three years ago..

Amongst more snarling, and huffing and puffing from out new 'friend,' it took a while to find the PST files as he didn't know where he had saved them too (afterall, why would he? They are only his files.) All the time he kept telling me over and over that his brother had created them for him, saving over two years of emails from a tragic problem he had had last year with his laptop, (yes the same laptop that belongs to us and that we are supposed sort out, NOT HIS BROTHER) and that he was the best IT expert in the world. Blah, Blah, Blah.

Yes, the guy's Brother was a bloody genius, when I finally located the files and attached them to Outlook; they presented us with a password box. He looks at me blankly, I return the look. The guy puts his domain password in, it fails. He tries several others with no avail. The guy's brother had password protected the PST's when he created them and not told him what the password was. Of course it was our fault he didn't know the password and demanded to know what it was.

I eventually get it through to him that the only person who knew the password was golden boy. Defeated but defiant he then turns round and tell me that his brother will just "hack into it." Not impressed, I wish him good luck with that endeavour. He logs off his laptop and leaves without so much as an ounce of gratitude.

Some people just make it very hard for us to help them. The mystery is why, as they are only shooting themselves in the foot.