The Server Hardware Misconfiguration

Umm, it doesn't seem to be working correctly...

It's almost comical that nearly every technological addition or upgrade to our server room is fraught with one mindless defect or another upon arrival. Something may be missing, something may be broken, or the object itself is the wrong one, wrong size or even out of date.

I remember on one occasion we needed a simple power strip for a server rack to power some switches. Nothing fancy, but it needed to have certain connectors for it to do it's job. 5 months and 3 power strips (all wrong) later and we finally get one that we have to change the plug type on ourselves, because we couldn't afford to wait any longer for yet another product exchange.

We take every care to 'spec' out the equipment we need. We research what's available, we choose carefully to meet our needs and budget. Then we pass it on to the bean counters to mess it up in their own special way. Saving money is the name, buying crap, defective hardware is the game (as long as it's cheap).

Head In The Cloud...

Coming Soon...

 "To the cloud..." those fateful words ring out like a foghorn of doom as the boss learns a new buzz word.

We know we are in for a battle of epic proportions as he tells us for the gazillionth time "Leicester has set it up, they use it, it works, it's wonderful. It is the greatest thing since Bill Gates sat down in his garage, and put white text on a black screen and called it DOS!"

Yes, it's that time again. The new users have got to be created, and the management have come up with yet another fantastical, hair-raising idea to completely screw it up, make our lives uncomfortable, and confuse the users even more.

They have heard of this amazing new invention called 'the cloud'. A 'simple' solution to all of our problems. Actually it's a very complicated way to cause us yet more problems on top of the ones we already have. But there is no telling the upper classes of the bean counters; it's the latest thing. SO, WE MUST HAVE IT!

The Empty Mailbox

It's the umpteenth attempt at calling her; I have been trying to get in touch with a user for over a fortnight after a fault was passed on to me from our helpdesk:

"A huge chunk of my emails are missing". It had claimed in big bold capital letters; providing lots of useful information to go on as usual.

The problem is urgent, and absolutely must be fixed immediately (apparently). As urgent as is may be, all attempts to contact the person who reported the fault have been in vain.

I hang up the phone again after the about the twelfth ring, and with everlasting regret, I send the user another email explaining that I was looking into their fault, and needed to speak with them about it. Finally a few hours later I get the returning phone call:

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 6

Bright and early, The World's Worst Software Engineer arrives ready for battle. He's a warrior; fully armored, loaded with dangerous software; fresh back from his holiday, he is raring to go and just as clueless as when he left.

Even though I have sent him through the logon credentials he still can't connect to the server. Even though they are exactly the same as last time. I reset the password for him. No luck. I test the account myself and it works perfectly. Still he can't get past the bad user name or password error screen. It takes me ten minutes to talk him through how to get on to the server. Great start, that holiday has done him a world of good; his brain is completely relaxed. I'm impressed already!

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 5

One Week Later:

We are on high alert, the system isn't running correctly after the upgrade, and of course it's all our fault. Our database server is not working correctly because the software can't connect to it. Regardless of the fact that every other server that connects to it are having no problems whatsoever and there have been no other complaints.

The World's Worst Software Engineer isn't complaining to us directly though, but going through a proxy, namely, the person who wanted the software in the first place. We are eventually informed that he is on his way down to see us, to see if we can help. What this really means is, he is on his way down so he can moan about the local database account, and stand around looking dumb while we struggle to fix the problems he has caused, with no helpful input from him. To top it all off, we still know nothing about the software, how it is setup, how it works or even how to log in to it. Much the same as him really.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 4

Monday:

After the Friday fun, it starts early with the call I have been dreading. He's here, he's ready, he has a partner in crime and he's armed with the phone number for the technical support team in the software's mother country.

The World's Worst Software Engineer proceeds to tell me what he is going to be doing. Or more specifically what the technical support guys will be doing for him while his partner in crimes sits and watches. I think he is here for some 'on site training'. Good luck mate, you're gonna need it, hope you brought a Thermos, it's gonna be a long week. Everything the guy tells me is exactly what he told us at the meeting and a repeat of everything that we have told him, but I let him ramble on anyway as I update my Facebook status and post it on Twitter too for good measure.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 3

It's a busy Friday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and deliveries are coming in thick and fast. With very few staff in due to the summer holidays, those of us left are hot, bothered and over worked.

Still, the atmosphere is light, and everyone is laughing and joking as we hulk 200 computers from one end of the building to the other. Next week will be a different story as on Monday morning the Worlds Worst Software Engineer is coming in to perform the upgrade again. Remember last time? He failed miserably, rolled back the version and left little old me to fix the mess he left behind.

Look, Listen and Take Heed

As the phone rings for the umpteenth time one morning, all hell has broken loose as someone upstairs is having 'issues' printing. As expected it is our fault and not the fact that the printer in question is out of paper.

It all started when we sent out an email notification a few days ago, informing our users clearly and as simply as we dare, that our company's website and intranet would be down for half an hour, as some updates were being applied to the homepage. No other services would be affected.

Of course what the users read was: "We are turning every server off for the rest of the day, so that none of our computer services will be available. Once back on every problem you get will be related to this issue."

Moving Offices

It's an exciting time at the moment. A buzz is in the air, and it's not because of the fly nest in the false ceiling. It's taken years of planning, re-planning and planning again, and now the project is almost complete: A brand spanking new building for the company to move into within next few months.

It's looking very impressive on the outside and even more so on the inside. It's huge, it's one of a kind and state of the art. But this new entity has not come without its shortfalls in certain areas along the way. Areas: namely IT.

Strangely all the way through the project, in an IT based company with almost everything running off of technology, IT was not taken into consideration when designing the new building. Even stranger, when they finally realised that computers will be needed to run the business, and that a full network infrastructure would need to be put in place, they didn't bother to speak to the experts: Us!

The Software Engineer Strikes Again

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 2

Heeee'sssss Backkkkkkkkkkkk.....

Yep, lock up your servers, changes your passwords and take the phones off the hook. The world's worst software engineer is back to perform an upgrade and it's not going to be pretty.

It's eight months later and a new version has been released. They don't know what they are or what they do, but the staff have decided that it's new features are essential to the company and must be installed as soon as possible. Lucky us!

The Great Software Installation Debacle

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 1

A new day, a new piece of software drifts our way. It will change the way the company works and streamline our procedures. It's state of the art and will save us money, time and man power. Not to mention it looks good and can take our personalised logo.

Wonderful! Another sales pitch full of buzz words that sounds too good to be true (it probably is) from a company no one has ever heard of, and the brainwashed bean counters are sucked in as they marvel at its high-tech excellence. It is overly expensive but before we know it, it is approved, bought and paid for without even consulting IT. On the plus side, it is going to be installed, setup and supported by the supplier. What could possibly go wrong?

The "Hacker"

A long time ago in an IT Office not too far away...

"We've been hacked." Our IT Manager tell us one morning as he stands on a chair to change the bulb in the alert light from green to red.

With the red bulb flashing and the alarm wailing, we all pluck up our ears and our then Senior Server Analyst frowns slightly and calmly asks. "Why? What's been hacked?"

"Oh, everything. Our entire network is compromised" our Manager panics, his glasses slipping down his nose. His thick grey hair seemed bigger than ever and he was clearly in a tizz.

It's a Server!

A few years ago the technology layout of this company was very different. Instead of just having a server room, we had servers doing the hard work scattered in various places.

One such place was a room was in a remote building, where myself and one or another of my colleagues had to cover once a week in case anybody down there needed technical support. We used to call this place "the black hole." It was small, dark, dingy and out of the way.

In this room we had a PC for our use and a huge, tower server that at that time was used for running online exams software. Not an ideal place to keep it, but it did the job well enough for a long time, until...

For several weeks we kept have very strange problems with it. For instance, sometimes we would find that the server had been powered down or would be running mind-numbingly slow due to lack of resources.

Customer Service Hell

A colleague of mine was telling me about an incident a while ago with a user.

It was a Monday morning and the department was extremely low on staff for various reasons. Ofcourse when you are short of man power, as Murphy's Law states "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong."

With only a few people to solve the IT mysteries of the workplace, several crisises hit at once with not enough people to cover them all. It ended with only one person in the office dealing with the telephone complaints and the queue of requests coming through the door.

Just as my colleague was wishing he had never turned up for work that morning, things got a whole lot worse. It started with a phone call.

Pulling the Plug

It's that time of year again when our computer rooms have to be completely wiped and reconfigured. We do this by imaging all the computers in bulk, one room at a time from a preconfigured image on our server.

All we have to do is boot each computer in to WinPE, select the image and away they go. They take anywhere from 50 minutes to 2 hours depending on how big the image is. Once they are done we name them, add the printer and move on to the next room. Sounds easy...

One particular year we had been having a few problems with the imaging freezing and "bombing" out halfway through. It took us several days to sort the problems out, including many late evenings and early mornings. Needless to say we were running out of time and we still had over 1000 computers to be imaged.

Now our "temporary fix" was to have a portable server in the room we were imaging. This was considerably slower, but it did the job.

Exchange Server Down

The other week our Exchange Server had a serious issue that prevented about 2 to 3 hundred of our 3500 users not being able to get to their email. Due to the type of problem it was going to take around 24 to 48 hours to fix the problem. We put up an alert up on our website and got to work. During that time we received numerous phone calls from different users:

1. "Hi there is the email down?"
   We explain the situation...
   "Well please can you just get it going again now just for me?"