The Missing Data Conundrum

It's nearly quarter to two in the afternoon. It's been a busy day, but a productive one. A project I have been working on for almost four months has finally come to fruition. After months of working with a software developer, I finally have a working upgrade package for one of our vital systems. The code has been patched, the bugs eradicated and the end is in sight.

I had been given this project for the simple reason that I had heard the name of it sometime in the past. I had no idea what it was, what it did, who used it or why. I had been thrown in the deep end of the data pool. The current version we had was three years out of date, and the new version refused to work in our environment. It was my job to fix it!

To cut a very long and boring story very short. The software developer built us a new package and all was right in the universe. However, one part of it still refused to work, so on this particular Thursday, he had stripped it down once again and finally found the problem. Satisfied with a job well done, I thanked him, put the patched file in a safe place and sat back in my chair, giving myself a silent congratulations.

Then...

The Problem with being an IT Specialist

After being in the business of IT Support for so many years, I have learnt never to admit to it to people outside of work: Sometimes, not even then.

"Why?" You may ask me.

Well, despite the obvious lull on your social life, once somebody knows that you have superhuman IT skills, you're screwed. Doomed forever to be plagued by never ending computer questions from people who have no idea what they are asking in the first place.

Even worse, when these people discover what you do, they tell others, and before you know it you have an even larger posse contacting you, expecting computer advice, and fixes for free. People you have never even met.

The Phone Scam

For months I have had numerous reports from colleagues, friends and family members about a guy with an Indian accent, phoning them up at home and claiming to work for Microsoft. Or more specifically 'Microsoft Windows'.

First of all, before I go on, any idiot knows that Microsoft is the company and Microsoft Windows is the product. But not this one. This is a special kind of idiot, he is twice as stupid and says he works for  'Microsoft Windows'.

This 2x idiot, this Fonejacker rip-off, this stinking piece of garbage, is nothing more than a scammer, a con artist and a thief. Do not mistake him for a hacker either. Hacking requires skill and intelligence.This is nothing more than a petty criminal, who wants your hard earned cash.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 6

Bright and early, The World's Worst Software Engineer arrives ready for battle. He's a warrior; fully armored, loaded with dangerous software; fresh back from his holiday, he is raring to go and just as clueless as when he left.

Even though I have sent him through the logon credentials he still can't connect to the server. Even though they are exactly the same as last time. I reset the password for him. No luck. I test the account myself and it works perfectly. Still he can't get past the bad user name or password error screen. It takes me ten minutes to talk him through how to get on to the server. Great start, that holiday has done him a world of good; his brain is completely relaxed. I'm impressed already!

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 5

One Week Later:

We are on high alert, the system isn't running correctly after the upgrade, and of course it's all our fault. Our database server is not working correctly because the software can't connect to it. Regardless of the fact that every other server that connects to it are having no problems whatsoever and there have been no other complaints.

The World's Worst Software Engineer isn't complaining to us directly though, but going through a proxy, namely, the person who wanted the software in the first place. We are eventually informed that he is on his way down to see us, to see if we can help. What this really means is, he is on his way down so he can moan about the local database account, and stand around looking dumb while we struggle to fix the problems he has caused, with no helpful input from him. To top it all off, we still know nothing about the software, how it is setup, how it works or even how to log in to it. Much the same as him really.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 4

Monday:

After the Friday fun, it starts early with the call I have been dreading. He's here, he's ready, he has a partner in crime and he's armed with the phone number for the technical support team in the software's mother country.

The World's Worst Software Engineer proceeds to tell me what he is going to be doing. Or more specifically what the technical support guys will be doing for him while his partner in crimes sits and watches. I think he is here for some 'on site training'. Good luck mate, you're gonna need it, hope you brought a Thermos, it's gonna be a long week. Everything the guy tells me is exactly what he told us at the meeting and a repeat of everything that we have told him, but I let him ramble on anyway as I update my Facebook status and post it on Twitter too for good measure.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 3

It's a busy Friday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and deliveries are coming in thick and fast. With very few staff in due to the summer holidays, those of us left are hot, bothered and over worked.

Still, the atmosphere is light, and everyone is laughing and joking as we hulk 200 computers from one end of the building to the other. Next week will be a different story as on Monday morning the Worlds Worst Software Engineer is coming in to perform the upgrade again. Remember last time? He failed miserably, rolled back the version and left little old me to fix the mess he left behind.

Look, Listen and Take Heed

As the phone rings for the umpteenth time one morning, all hell has broken loose as someone upstairs is having 'issues' printing. As expected it is our fault and not the fact that the printer in question is out of paper.

It all started when we sent out an email notification a few days ago, informing our users clearly and as simply as we dare, that our company's website and intranet would be down for half an hour, as some updates were being applied to the homepage. No other services would be affected.

Of course what the users read was: "We are turning every server off for the rest of the day, so that none of our computer services will be available. Once back on every problem you get will be related to this issue."

Arrrrghhh, My Ears!

The worst type of caller is when someone rings with a simple request, and they have to complicate it, make a drama out of it. They have to complain about everything, tell you their life's woes and make out they are hard done by.

Generally I usually ignore the rants and carry on. But it makes me wonder what I have done to deserve the onslaught.

The phone rings late one morning and I answer.

"IT Support" I say, ready to be helpful.

The Early Morning Phone Call

Early one morning, I have been in office about five minutes and the phone rings. It's early and I am still slowly waking up. My colleague takes pity on the caller and picks up the phone.

As far as I can gather, the person on the other end has had an email stopped by the firewall. My colleague gives them my number, and asks them to phone me as he hasn't dealt with that problem before. He hangs up and leaves the office for this morning caffeine intake.

Five minutes later and my phone rings. I am finally waking up and answer with as much enthusiasm as I can muster.

"IT support" I say politely and introduce myself.

Helpdesk Hell

We have a hardware vendor that we have to phone on a regular basis for replacement parts. Most of the time when we phone it takes a while, but the person on the other end usually accepts we know what we are talking about and arranges for the part to be delivered.

I say most of the time...

One day I have a laptop that had ceased to function. It was a common problem, one fixed by replacing the motherboard that luckily is under warranty.

I phoned the hardware vendor support line as usual, hoping to get the part for the next day.