The Missing Data Conundrum

It's nearly quarter to two in the afternoon. It's been a busy day, but a productive one. A project I have been working on for almost four months has finally come to fruition. After months of working with a software developer, I finally have a working upgrade package for one of our vital systems. The code has been patched, the bugs eradicated and the end is in sight.

I had been given this project for the simple reason that I had heard the name of it sometime in the past. I had no idea what it was, what it did, who used it or why. I had been thrown in the deep end of the data pool. The current version we had was three years out of date, and the new version refused to work in our environment. It was my job to fix it!

To cut a very long and boring story very short. The software developer built us a new package and all was right in the universe. However, one part of it still refused to work, so on this particular Thursday, he had stripped it down once again and finally found the problem. Satisfied with a job well done, I thanked him, put the patched file in a safe place and sat back in my chair, giving myself a silent congratulations.

Then...

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 6

Bright and early, The World's Worst Software Engineer arrives ready for battle. He's a warrior; fully armored, loaded with dangerous software; fresh back from his holiday, he is raring to go and just as clueless as when he left.

Even though I have sent him through the logon credentials he still can't connect to the server. Even though they are exactly the same as last time. I reset the password for him. No luck. I test the account myself and it works perfectly. Still he can't get past the bad user name or password error screen. It takes me ten minutes to talk him through how to get on to the server. Great start, that holiday has done him a world of good; his brain is completely relaxed. I'm impressed already!

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 5

One Week Later:

We are on high alert, the system isn't running correctly after the upgrade, and of course it's all our fault. Our database server is not working correctly because the software can't connect to it. Regardless of the fact that every other server that connects to it are having no problems whatsoever and there have been no other complaints.

The World's Worst Software Engineer isn't complaining to us directly though, but going through a proxy, namely, the person who wanted the software in the first place. We are eventually informed that he is on his way down to see us, to see if we can help. What this really means is, he is on his way down so he can moan about the local database account, and stand around looking dumb while we struggle to fix the problems he has caused, with no helpful input from him. To top it all off, we still know nothing about the software, how it is setup, how it works or even how to log in to it. Much the same as him really.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 4

Monday:

After the Friday fun, it starts early with the call I have been dreading. He's here, he's ready, he has a partner in crime and he's armed with the phone number for the technical support team in the software's mother country.

The World's Worst Software Engineer proceeds to tell me what he is going to be doing. Or more specifically what the technical support guys will be doing for him while his partner in crimes sits and watches. I think he is here for some 'on site training'. Good luck mate, you're gonna need it, hope you brought a Thermos, it's gonna be a long week. Everything the guy tells me is exactly what he told us at the meeting and a repeat of everything that we have told him, but I let him ramble on anyway as I update my Facebook status and post it on Twitter too for good measure.

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 3

It's a busy Friday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and deliveries are coming in thick and fast. With very few staff in due to the summer holidays, those of us left are hot, bothered and over worked.

Still, the atmosphere is light, and everyone is laughing and joking as we hulk 200 computers from one end of the building to the other. Next week will be a different story as on Monday morning the Worlds Worst Software Engineer is coming in to perform the upgrade again. Remember last time? He failed miserably, rolled back the version and left little old me to fix the mess he left behind.

The Software Engineer Strikes Again

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 2

Heeee'sssss Backkkkkkkkkkkk.....

Yep, lock up your servers, changes your passwords and take the phones off the hook. The world's worst software engineer is back to perform an upgrade and it's not going to be pretty.

It's eight months later and a new version has been released. They don't know what they are or what they do, but the staff have decided that it's new features are essential to the company and must be installed as soon as possible. Lucky us!

The Great Software Installation Debacle

The World's Worst Software Engineer - Part 1

A new day, a new piece of software drifts our way. It will change the way the company works and streamline our procedures. It's state of the art and will save us money, time and man power. Not to mention it looks good and can take our personalised logo.

Wonderful! Another sales pitch full of buzz words that sounds too good to be true (it probably is) from a company no one has ever heard of, and the brainwashed bean counters are sucked in as they marvel at its high-tech excellence. It is overly expensive but before we know it, it is approved, bought and paid for without even consulting IT. On the plus side, it is going to be installed, setup and supported by the supplier. What could possibly go wrong?

The Corrupted Hard Drive

So one morning we have a chap (widely known for his giant lack of common sense) come through the door to our office carrying his laptop. He explains that the laptop was not booting and asked if we could take a look at it.

I asked what was happening and I got a vague explanation that the Windows XP installation was cycling at boot up. At least thats what he said.

I switched on the laptop, but instead of watching the laptop attempt to start up XP I got a "NTLDR is Missing" error and nothing else.

The guy mentioned that there were several "important files" on the c: drive (a big no-no in our company, everything should be saved to a network drive and/or USB, making hard drive failure a doddle.)

Software "Install"

One morning we get a knock on the door and a man comes in with his laptop.

"I have brought my laptop up as I was told if I did, you guys would install some software for me." He tells us.

"No problem" we say. "Which software would you like installed?"

"Oh, anything you have got." He says "Throw it all on."

"We have dozens of pieces of software" we tell him. "Is there anything in particular that you needed?"

"No not really. I was just told to come up and get it installed. Just install it all and it'll be there if I need it."

Internet Security

Although not overly strict, we have considerably tight filters on our firewall that scans and filters websites and applications from the internet. Protection from unwanted "nasties" such as malware and viruses. These days it is essential to any business and home use alike.

Every once in a while a site that is required may be found to be blocked; we review it and unblocked it if we deem it suitable.

One day a guy comes in with his laptop complaining that it is "running slow" and the software he had installed was reporting hundreds of viruses. He also took the time to tell us how vulnerable our network was and that we should be protecting against such things. He even took the liberty of telling all about viruses and how dangerous they could be. He also complained that he could pick up malware but couldn't get to sites he wanted or certain applications.

Obviously we are always open to being told our jobs by someone with a laptop in the condition it was in and remained in a silent loathing while we checked it out.

The Great Laptop Rebuild Disaster

The worst kind of person to report IT problems has to be those that "think" they know what they are talking about. These are computer enthusiasts that have played about with an old 486 over the weekend, installed Windows and immediately believe they are IT Professionals.

One such person contacts us on a regular basis and is the subject of many humorous and frustrating stories. A lot of our guys do their very best to avoid having to deal with him.

On one particular day I was very unfortunate to receive a phone call from him.

"Did you know your wireless system is faulty?" He tells me.

"What makes you say that?" I ask.

"The laptop I have here will NOT connect." He explains.

Printer Install Problem

"I have just installed the software drivers for my new printer" says a woman proudly to me on the phone one day. " It finished the install successfully and asked me to reboot. But now it has an error every time I boot up."

"OK" I say "What is the error?"

"I don't know. I am not a computer whiz. I clicked cancel and it disappeared, the printer wont print." She says.

"Well please can you reboot again and when the error comes up read it out to me." I ask.

"Ummm. Well OK, but you will have to explain how to do that." the woman replied.