Internet Security

Although not overly strict, we have considerably tight filters on our firewall that scans and filters websites and applications from the internet. Protection from unwanted "nasties" such as malware and viruses. These days it is essential to any business and home use alike.

Every once in a while a site that is required may be found to be blocked; we review it and unblocked it if we deem it suitable.

One day a guy comes in with his laptop complaining that it is "running slow" and the software he had installed was reporting hundreds of viruses. He also took the time to tell us how vulnerable our network was and that we should be protecting against such things. He even took the liberty of telling all about viruses and how dangerous they could be. He also complained that he could pick up malware but couldn't get to sites he wanted or certain applications.

Obviously we are always open to being told our jobs by someone with a laptop in the condition it was in and remained in a silent loathing while we checked it out.

Then...

Question 1: "Do you use this laptop on the Internet at home?"
Answer: "Yes, Of course I do."

Questions 2: "Why have you uninstalled the corporate anti-virus software and installed your own?"
Answer: "That one is much better. The one you supply is crap."

Question 3: "Crap eh? Where did you find this one?"
Answer: "On the internet. I had to download it from home; your stupid filter blocked the site."

"I see" I reply, warming up for the onslaught. "Firstly you are quite right, your laptop does have several viruses, thats why it is running so slow."

The guy nodded in agreement with a smug look of triumph on his face.

"However" I continued. "If you had left our anti-virus software installed you would have found that out sooner as the antivirus software you installed is fake. In fact it is the viruses. It is malware that installs a considerable amount of trojans and key loggers. Our filters block that type of software because it is a risk. You downloaded the software from home, you got the virus from home which goes to show our network is far more secure than yours. Also you have uninstalled our anti-virus product, putting our network at risk and violating the agreement you signed when you were issued the laptop."

The guys face falls and he feels all eyes in the office upon him. He coughs and tries to come up with an excuse but can't think of one.

After a minutes pause he says quietly "I'll leave it with you" and leaves the office.

Good job he did, he had also played about with the network settings and had about five toolbars installed. We also found numerous other pieces of trial software; an attempt to reverse the problems he had caused. The laptop was practically unusable. We wiped it straight away and gave it back two days later.

Two weeks later he was back with the same problem. That took alot longer to fix...