It's a busy Friday morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and deliveries are coming in thick and fast. With very few staff in due to the summer holidays, those of us left are hot, bothered and over worked.
Still, the atmosphere is light, and everyone is laughing and joking as we hulk 200 computers from one end of the building to the other. Next week will be a different story as on Monday morning the Worlds Worst Software Engineer is coming in to perform the upgrade again. Remember last time? He failed miserably, rolled back the version and left little old me to fix the mess he left behind.
Sweating buckets and dead on my feet I collapse gratefully into my desk chair and start on the next list of things to do. I see the note on my pad, predicting the pending doom next week, when I once again come face to face with disaster incarnate.
A meeting a month ago with the man had been bad enough: Half an hour of him telling us that the disk latency on the server was the cause of all the problems. Errrrrmmm NO, the server is virtual, and measuring disk latency on a virtual environment is next to impossible with standard software (especially the 30 day trial software from a shareware website that the man had downloaded, and installed on our server without permission). The problem is that you are running the database on the wrong type of software on the server itself, and NOT on the correct software on a remote server as you were advised before the initial installation.
As if we had not mentioned this he then goes on to tell us that that is also causing issues with the server's performance. Well Duh!
We finally get him to agree to move the database to a proper dedicated database server during the upgrade, and just to appease the idiotic masses we agree to a couple of other tweaks. I also agreed to set up a database and database user ready for when he comes in. When asked what he wanted these named, he shrugged his shoulders and professionally said "oh anything". The date is set, the lines are drawn in the sand and we sit back waiting for the end of the server as we know it.
I had arranged with a colleague to perform a database backup last thing on the Friday, so that if and when misfortune strikes, we would be ready to counter the mans incompetence. However the guy has not left us with any information on how to access the database.
Mid-morning I get a phone call:
"The guy is here to perform the upgrade and needs access to the server" I am informed to my amazement.
"He isn't supposed to be here until Monday" I tell them.
I should have learnt by now not to be surprised with anything this man does, but turning up three days early is a new one on me.
"No, it's always been today" I am told. "Or maybe it was changed?!?!" Umm, thanks for letting me know.
I shake my head in disbelief, groaning silently into the phone, I then explain the meeting I had with the guy. The lady on the other end merely confirms her previous statement. In defeat I provide them with the credentials, hang up and wait for the games to begin.
Now as you may be aware from my previous posts, we are in the process of moving offices around. The one he is visiting is of no exception. Only, the office he is visiting on the Friday, instead of Monday is being moved on the Friday; yes TODAY! So as a couple of my colleagues are underway with the move he is there causing chaos, and trying to work on computers that are not even connected. Not that he would notice the difference.
I phone my colleague, if we can get the backup done before the guy's finger presses of calamity, we may just survive this with little collateral damage. Alas the engineer in all his wisdom has not provided us with a password to access the database, let alone back it up.
Finally its lunch time and I look forward to putting my feet up with an sandwich and watching some epic fails on YouTube. Ironically I needn't have bothered as I received an email from the man requesting the database be setup (he hadn't bothered ask if it was already done), telling me what he wanted it called, along with a user name; both of which were completely different from the one's I had already created weeks ago. Typical! We rename them without a word.
By this time we have managed to access the databases at long last. Note: Databases (plural) NOT Database (singular). Yes, there are no less than 7 of the buggers and I have only been asked to create one (this should be interesting). My colleague backs them up to a safe place and we both heave a sigh of relief.
By this time the guy has logged on to the server, caused havoc in the office and pissed off most of us in the IT department. Satisfied, that was him done for the day and he left soon after emailing me. Homeward bound I would imagine, to spend the weekend concocting more amusing ways to make himself look like the Mr Bean of the IT world.
Find out what happened next: Read Part 4 Now!
Ha Ha, OMG! Hurry up with the next part.
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