New Computer

A while ago we spent an entire fortnight upgrading all the Computers and Monitors in an entire Office Block. Nice new flat screen monitors. Faster systems with double the RAM, faster, dual core processors and keyboards and mice that haven't yet been violated by coffee or a bacon 'n' egg sandwich.

The Monday morning after we get a phone call:

"My Computer won't work." comes the reply

"What seems to be the problem?" I ask.

"It won't switch on."

"OK" I say "Can you check the power cable for me and make sure it's plugged in to the wall and that the sockets are switched on."

Upside down

"My email isn't working; please can you take a look." I am asked as I walk down the corridor. So I take a detour in to one of the Managers’ offices and stare in disbelief.

The computer was seated on the desk but the monitor on top of it (an old style CRT) was upside down with the swivel base pointing up at the ceiling. The screen surrounded by post-its and bits of paper with messages and phone numbers on.

"It just doesn’t seem to send anything" the Manager complains.

"Urrm, why is your screen upside down on top of your computer?" I asked (quite reasonably I thought) ignoring the email fault temporarily.

"It's not. Just the monitor is." He says "the screen moved upside down about three months ago, so I turned the monitor over. Must be a fault with the video card."

Mid-Morning Down time

Every day for about two months, we kept getting reports of the network dropping in one particular area. All the computers would lose connectivity for about two minutes every day at around the same time: Roughly between 10:00 AM and 10:30 AM.

After numerous tests and diagnostics, we still couldn't find the problem. The cables seemed fine, and we tested the CAT5 sockets and even replaced the patch leads. The switches didn't show any faults, but the logs did report reboots everyday around the same time.

At first we thought maybe we were having power surges, so we put a UPS in place to keep the switches alive. However the problem continued. Replacing the switches with brand new ones didn't help and we were beginning to wonder if we had a faulty batch of LAN cards in the computers, although they had been fine for last two years.

One day after the connectivity had dropped again, a colleague and I were in the switch room watching the switches reboot all at once.

It's not working...

"It's not working. It's completely screwed, I need a new one." The man insists as I stand in his office in front of his desk one morning.

"What seems to be the trouble?" I ask.

"I told you, it's dead. Kaput. You only put it in last week, cheap crap. You better replace it Today, I have reports to finish."

"Well have there been any other faults with it? Any problems yesterday?" I ask.

"No, no it was fine. I shut it down last night, came in this morning and switched it on as usual. I went to make my coffee, came back and it wasn't working."

"Please let me take a look." I offer.

Password Resets

Hundreds of times a week, we have the same conversation over and over with users. It usually goes something like this:

User: "I can't get my email."

Me: "OK, are you getting an error?"

User: "Yes."

Me: "What does it say?"

User: "Dunno..."

Me: "Well can you read it out to me?"

User: "The Logon Username or Password is Incorrect."

Printer Install Problem

"I have just installed the software drivers for my new printer" says a woman proudly to me on the phone one day. " It finished the install successfully and asked me to reboot. But now it has an error every time I boot up."

"OK" I say "What is the error?"

"I don't know. I am not a computer whiz. I clicked cancel and it disappeared, the printer wont print." She says.

"Well please can you reboot again and when the error comes up read it out to me." I ask.

"Ummm. Well OK, but you will have to explain how to do that." the woman replied.

Faulty "Data Ports"

"There's a big meeting in the board room, but they are having trouble loading the PowerPoint presentation, the laptop you lent them has faulty data ports." complains a lady, rushing in to our office with the utmost urgency.

So I make my way down to the board room, taking a spare laptop with me in case I need to make a switch. As I enter the room, fifteen accusing pairs of eyes in expensive suits set themselves upon me as if I am personally responsible for the fault.

I make my way over to the laptop as the eyes follow and receive a full 30 second ear bashing from the red-faced presenter, making sure I was up to date on his professional diagnosis. "My flash drive won't work in your laptop, the USB ports are faulty... etc etc etc..."

Restoring "LOST" Data

One day my colleagues and I received a visit from a young lad who had "lost his work" and was asking if we could retrieve his files from backup.

Upon asking where the data was saved he said "My USB Stick."

Sadly (I explained before my colleague stepped in) we don't back up users USB Sticks as it is not possible for us to do so. But I had some recovery software that may do the trick.

"Let me have your USB drive and I'll give it a go." I offered.

"You can't" he said "I have lost it. That’s why I want you to do a restore of my files."

Health and Safety - Course 101

So I am sitting at my desk one day when the door opens and woman sheepishly creeps in to the room carrying an open laptop.

She stops and grins at me for about a minute then finally confesses that her "friend" had asked her come and see us because she (her friend) had spilt coffee all over her (the friend's) laptop. I asked who her friend was and if it was an accident, why she didn't bring it down herself if.

Answer: She was too scared we would tell her off.

The lady left and I took a look at the bedraggled, Nescafe flavoured laptop and I noticed that the screen was blank but the laptop was switched on and running.

Please let there be sound

So, I get an irate phone call from a guy, furious that his "sound card" wasn't working. He was putting together a "very important" presentation and the numerous youtube videos he had embedded in to powerpoint where playing silently.

Automatically I asked (quite reasonably I thought) if he had turned the volume down on the PC or if it had been muted.

"Of course NOT, I am NOT that stupid." was the the reply. (No of course you're not!)

"Ok" I said "Please can you check your speaker connections. Make sure they are plugged in to the correct socket and that they are powered and switched on."

Wireless Problems

I got a phone call this morning from one of our members of staff. They were complaining that their company laptop was not connecting to the wireless system. I talked them through the usual precedures to try and diagnose the problem.

The wireless network was functioning correctly, their wireless card was enabled and configured correctly. In the end I asked them to bring the laptop up to our Support Office so that we could take a proper look.

The user then complained "But I am at home, do you mean I have to come all the way in to work just because your equipment doesn't work?" (Yes they had neglected to tell me they were working at home and they didn't have broadband.)